Writing About You: Thoughts At 10:58am

I cried over a boy last night
I cried over a boy today
I know so little about him
I really shouldn't have cried
but when he chose her
when he chose you
I no longer felt pretty
I no longer felt beautiful
I don't know how you took that from me
but I'm crying because I miss it
I miss feeling visible 
I should have seen it coming, there is a reason why our gaze never met
I spent the whole night looking at you 
you spent the whole night looking at her 
the way you held her is how I imagined you'd hold me
It's as if for the last two weeks I was blindfolded
and the minute your lips graced the back of her neck
I was burned by the blinding truth
it will always be her
it was always her
you will never be her
 romantic comedies have made you believe that sometimes the stars don't align right away
that somehow the butterflies in your stomach are a sign that he is the one
ignoring every fiber in your being telling you to run the other way
you make me nervous
I should never be nervous
love is not butterflies
or anxiety
you do not get to decide when I feel beautiful
you took so much from me 
and the reality is 
you don't even know it
you barely know me