It's as if I can feel the dew on my skin after a night of rain, I can feel the warmth of a new sun shinning on me and I can sense a new beginning finally coming. Today I woke up and saw the bruises on my arms from the attack fading, I saw the cut on my lip beginning to heal and I saw the glow on my skin returning. Time is healing me and my body is finally displaying the mending of my wounds. One thing that has been hard throughout these last couple of days was the constant torment of seeing my attacker in the lesions on my body that he left. That being said, now that they have started to clear I feel like I can begin to relive my life again, but of course I will not live the same life. This time, I will be stronger, braver, kinder and more appreciative of the flowers that bloom in the spring, the dew drops on a single leaf which glisten in the sunlight of a new morning and the opportunity to hold the hands of the people who love me and whom I equally care for and appreciate.
I am still on the days following my physical assault, I am still scared, I am still in shock, but I am no longer blaming myself or the mundane factors from that night. I think it is necessary for me to display my vulnerability and my current state so that you can see that though the attack did not cause me much visibly physical damage, the most destructive damage is at times the pain we do not get to see. This has ignited a flame in me to present myself as another person on a journey of self discovery and self love. One thing which resonates with me throughout this process is a quote I once heard on an episode of Grey's Anatomy, which stated "that the scariest thing about death is surviving and deciding that you actually have a life to live", to this I say, I am worth surviving.
May 12, 2017