I told myself I was doing a study of form and figure
As I lay there hoping to die... The sky looked so empty I felt so empty Existing was hard enough
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they will ask you to cripple in their arms
as they feed you lies about the person you are meant to be... give them every reason to be upset.... Living feels a lot like drowning
I put forth an incredible amount of effort as I try to be seen try to be heard though I know with every passing breath every short-lived moment I am dying Sinking further down an abyss I’ve come to know as home All I’ve ever known is how to catch my breath in a pool you never let me drown in Dear Mom,
A flower in your garden of three is dying it began to wilt years ago I remember when you noticed you couldn't help but blame yourself. Asked what you could do differently so you showered it with love let it bathe in your warmth reminded it that its roots were a foundation to lean on a foundation of stability a foundation of strength but still the parasite ate away at the beautiful bud weak stem and petals that never got to unfold still you always said it was beautiful always hoped it would find the light but darkness enveloped the seed and gripped it so tight it barely reached the surface and now now the plant is dying and I just hope when it passes you don't find a way to blame yourself I dream of telling you "I love you"
sparks fly the minute you say it back but the butterflies in my stomach will die the second I am reminded that "we" could never be. I dream of a petal picked romance, a balance of high and low moments you remind me that my dark days are just that... moments... I bathed myself in your kindness and watched as it mended my wounds conversations with you are enlightening I don't know how it is that you do, what you do but it hurts it hurts attempting to convince myself that you are not the one when every fiber in my being is telling me to love you telling me to care and at the same time reminding me to stop. |
AuthorThese are my thoughts Archives
February 2020
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