I looked in the mirror and saw him today
He was everything I didn't want to be He was everything I tried not to be He was never there for me but today today he said he was proud of me today he said that he cared and the problem was... I wanted to believe him
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It's been six years
and I still talk about you still talk about it the thing you did the thing that undid me I cried on my 18th birthday because I should've said something sooner I should've asked for help but how could I when I couldn't even give your act a name I broke down on my 20th birthday because it still hurt because I still hurt I am still hurting and now now I'm turning 22 and realizing that you..... you have probably never thought of me but I I will always think of you when I think of me. His smile was magnetic
Addictive to say the least and after being baptized in a pool of sorrow I didn't know that happiness was something I could achieve And the winner is....
Not You your heart sinks but you applaud anyway thank them for the nomination and try not to look "too" disappointed try not to look like you cared "too" much try not too look "too" upset So you hold back the tears and let them have their moment All the while, imagining what it must feel like to win what it must feel like to be them to be anyone other than you right now. The moment swept you up in its arms so high you could not see that this was never a loss it was simply just not Your Moment. Darkness held me like the toxic lover it was it is Firm grasp and unwavering strength It whispers in my ear that I will never be good enough that I simply could never be “enough” so I submit and watch as it takes fragments of my soul and pollutes them. watch as it rips pieces of my heart and hides them watch as it strips me of my skin and leaves me broken. vulnerable and afraid It's the closest I've ever been to a crime scene Darkness is the closest I've ever been to a murderer Those boys will never love you
They love music a sweet tune They love art but you will never be their muse Because you are a summer secret something dark they must keep hidden They don't call you by your name As if this alleviates the shame The Shame they carry for “loving” someone like... “loving” someone broken “loving” someone so... Those men will never love you they will never hold your hand They will never treat you to lunch but how can you eat when you've already swallowed swallowed your tongue swallowed your words swallowed your pride and forgotten your worth. You have never loved you and so you don't understand That They... they will never love you. |
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February 2020
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