You are not somebody's lover
You are not an object You are not a disease You are not a broken thing You are not a delicate flower You are not the parasite that eats away at it You are not the thing that gets left behind You are not a waste of time You are not a waste of time You are not a waste of time
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I am trying to write
trying to find words I see leaves on the ground I hear a plane soar above trumpets or trombones play softly in the back A melody I've never heard the familiar is unfamiliar today birds chirp the sky is blue the wind ruffles my papers I am still put together the familiar is unfamiliar today I am the only one outside that I can see though I hear footsteps all around me A drinking fountain the sound of doors opening and closing a brown purse my brown skin the copper stair case the plane the birds the sky a melody the familiar is unfamiliar today The sea is empty
The sky is not blue We exist somewhere in the middle The Mid-tones Middle Grey I haven't heard from you in months progress looks like a bunch of failures and I'm sorry you were one Somehow I woke up today and was 7, 10 and 11
Somehow the blue light radiating from the TV reminded me of youth of a person I used to be, the person I once knew at some point tonight I felt closer to you than I ever have you see, its been years since we've spoken I never got to say goodbye never got to say I love you or I'm sorry you would've forgiven me you were so quiet so shy just a kid in love with creating saw the magic in everyday life I thought about you at the thrift store the other day it was when I picked up a toy horse with blonde hair you would have loved to brush I thought about 3rd grade when you studied for an exam so you could win the toy of your choice to no ones surprise but your own, you won and asked for a pony with hair you could brush your teacher never found one said all she could find that fit that description were girl toys and you clearly were not a girl I thought about that christmas when you asked for a pony with hair you could brush and how your aunt couldn't find one because your mother might think it was too much but she was wrong because our mom bought you 3 one with glitter, you were 7, and my god, you loved that thing I'm sorry I didn't love you sooner You needed to be loved all I did was tell you that you would never be good enough So I'm happy I saw you today happy I got the chance to tell you how special you are and how I know you are going to succeed not because you are a prodigy of intelligence or even a prodigy at all but because you are a hard worker and will always land amongst the stars Tonight, for a moment, I was young again I saw you your reflection in the hall got the chance to say I love you got the chance to say it all There is something comforting about confiding in a stranger
Maybe it's the hope that the grief will stay with them or the thought you'll never see them again trauma lost in transit a transactional relationship if you give your heart away does it ever make it back to you? Losing you felt like losing everyone all over again I swear we shared a moment
our eyes met and the world stopped spinning You confided in me about your insecurities gave yourself permission to feel permission to be vulnerable comforted by the thought that you would forget by dawn but I did not forget did you forget did you forget did you forget how you showered me with compliments danced with me till 2am told me you love me and how you wanted to see more of me because I cannot I cannot I swear we shared a moment I just wish I didn't have to explain it 1. I am, without a doubt, in love with you
2. You love somebody else 3. I heard you say how much you love this other person and it hurt 4. it hurt because I know the person you love 5. Because I introduced the two of you 6. I know they love you too 7. they told me with their eyes 8. you told me I miss you 9. I miss you too Everything you said was the right thing to say
when your friend falls in love with you and you don't feel the same you always had a way with words language was a dance you practiced and mastered articulation: the rhythm you felt inside there was never a need to keep a beat because poems pour out of you every time you speak and so it is with every fragment in my body that I ask you leave because I cant help but love you every time you speak On an ordinary night
Under a moonlit sky I told you I could no longer speak to you no longer listen to you no longer be there for you because every time I did the cosmos seemed to align fireworks lit up the sky but the stars that are your eyes were so blinding I was always blinded though they were so beautiful I could never get enough I would never be enough so goodbye... because loving you hurts and yet loving you is all I want to do |
AuthorThese are my thoughts Archives
February 2020
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