Over the course of the next 8 weeks I want to share my thoughts with you, those interested enough to read this. This blog will be an open discussion with myself, upon which I plan to get a better understanding of my current emotional state.
For starters, I want everyone to know, including myself, I am a wreck. My emotional state feels like it is constantly shifting and I have no control over what I feel. Two nights ago, on what appeared to be an okay day, I felt terrible. I drove home crying from work because I felt overwhelmed with emotions. It is no secret that I am very overwhelmed with school right now. I mean, I'm taking 24 credits this semester, or at least I was until Monday night when I impulsively made the decision to drop out of my only photography class this semester, I will elaborate on this in another post, that aside 24 credits had me constantly stressed out about wether or not I was getting everything done. I was always at school and almost never had a chance to catch my breath, I still don't, even at 21 credits. I've burnt myself out and I still have 6 weeks to go. That said, last night I went to the campus gym and for a moment forgot that I was a student, that I carried the weight of what seemingly feels like the world on my shoulders, I simply played a game of basket ball with some strangers I met on the court. Maybe it was the lack of oxygen my brain was clearly not getting or maybe it was something more, but when I was out there playing a terrible game I had fun. I haven't felt "Fun" without the pressure of responsibilities nagging at my shoulders begging me to reevaluate my life in so long. It was amazing to know that the feeling could still manifest itself. These strangers were so uplifting, even though there was clearly two separate teams, the groups cheered one another on like they played for the same team. They acknowledged strengths without seeing it as their own weaknesses, they motivated each other to keep going when the odds didn't seem to favor the losing team. It was a competition nonetheless but it was free of everything that made it feel like somebody would come out being better than the other, still someone would inevitably lose but it didn't appear to matter. At least not to them, the game was just fun. It reminded me to breathe, it reminded me to keep going, that I could keep going but most importantly it reminded me to have fun.