I once read an article that elaborated on the idea that your pet fish could be depressed. Did you know that one noticeable symptom to recognize if your fish is depressed is based on a pattern regarding how regularly they swim to at the bottom of the tank. In retrospect, the more time they spend at the bottom the more likely they are to feel trapped and enclosed, therefore, they are more prone to depression. After I read this I searched the internet for more information about fish but did not expect to find as much information as I did. In fact, according to PETA, fish can feel pain because of their complex nervous systems which are virtually similar if not identical to all mamals. There is so much information out there validating a fish's understanding of lonesomeness, slowness in activity, and lack of concentration. Along side all the information provided on the internet there is also a huge amount of support from people regarding this research in hopes of assisting and ultimately understanding their pet's emotional state. I wish the same amount of support translated to peoples desire to understand human depression. In fact, when I told my mother I was depressed she chose to disregard it and when I brought it up again she told me I just wasn't trying hard enough to be happy. I searched her eyes for a tinge of surprised concern or desire for compassion, but it never came. Instead I was often met with frustration for my inability to feel "normal". I am still a prisoner to my own self doubt shackled by the strength of my crippling anxiety. I have fought this battle alone for most of my life and have yet to let the world see me as vulnerable, defenseless, and exposed as I feel when it seems like I am losing the fight.
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February 2020
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