I often find that it is necessary to remind myself that extreme feelings of sadness or overwhelming amounts of anxiety will ultimately subside. For me, my depression comes in waves and when it hits I feel its heavy hand pressing down on my chest. My depression makes it hard to breath without critiquing the measures I take to inhale oxygen. But be that as it may, I've tasted happiness even if just for a moment. I know its warm giddy smile like the back of my hand. I've memorized the number of butterflies I feel in my stomach when I know its coming around. It never stays long enough for me know what it means to be a happy person, but it has made its impression on my heart. Sometimes knowing that it has to get better is all the more reason to keep living. The amount of times I've felt like I wanted to die can no longer be counted on one hand but, at least the amount of time that feeling sticks around has gotten smaller. I don't think I could ever be "cured" of my depression, however, I do think that I could learn to better manage it. But, in order for that to occur, I have to at least stick around long enough for the sun to come out of the clouds.
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AuthorThese are my thoughts Archives
February 2020
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