Day 10 of not writing

it's been 10 days since I've written to you
to me
said things honestly
I sat in my bed last night and told myself I deserved better
deserved to be loved proudly
to be loved at all
thought that if I said it enough times I'd start to believe it
I imagine that I've not simply not reached  "enough"
particularly because when I look in  the mirror 
and tell myself you are worthy
a voice in the back of my mind 
simply cackles and laughs 
at illusion of security
you wear confidence like a veil
something you put on to feel more comfortable when you leave the house
but something you shed when you come back home
I see right through it 
we see right through it
I see your eyes
they look so sad
the bags under your eyes look heavy
have you ever thought of setting them down