All I know

I know what I must look like
desperate for love as I refuse to practice what I preach
"be patient, he's out there"
"don't settle for less than you deserve"
and though I repeat the ritual
It's hard to hear unspoken words
in fact,
all I've ever loved are strangers
something fast 
something easy
something quick
"but please don't leave me"
yet,
they always leave 
and trust,
it's always me
the one who says it first 
and wears  "I love you"  
like a second sleeve
but "who could a love broken dying thing?"
still,
"I love you" leaves my mouth more often than hello
 I like to think it's always searching for a home
you see
I love you doesn't nest in empty vessels
and self hate has never furnished homes
so "I love you" leaves my body 
since self hate is all I know