The room is empty
it swallows me I am not the man in the photographs framed on the wall I am barely a man at all this face isn't mine this vessel belongs to someone else I inherited their life memories that aren't mine when people greet me I know they wish they were talking to you but how do I tell them that you've been gone for years and the person they see isn't the person they once knew
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Tonight I am thinking about you
about that phone call at midnight in late August I was on vacation the room spun and in seconds I was sick I thought about everything I wanted to say everything I had rehearsed for months "I hate you" "How could you?" "Leave me alone" but when I answered the phone the only words that left my mouth were "I forgive you" and I do but please never talk to me again because I am afraid that "I forgive you" will turn into "I love you" and I can't give you my heart again I can't let you take pieces of me again last November you took everything I couldn't get out of bed "I forgive you" will never be "I love you" not ever again. Instead, "I forgive you" is I never want to see you again. You are not somebody's lover
You are not an object You are not a disease You are not a broken thing You are not a delicate flower You are not the parasite that eats away at it You are not the thing that gets left behind You are not a waste of time You are not a waste of time You are not a waste of time I am trying to write
trying to find words I see leaves on the ground I hear a plane soar above trumpets or trombones play softly in the back A melody I've never heard the familiar is unfamiliar today birds chirp the sky is blue the wind ruffles my papers I am still put together the familiar is unfamiliar today I am the only one outside that I can see though I hear footsteps all around me A drinking fountain the sound of doors opening and closing a brown purse my brown skin the copper stair case the plane the birds the sky a melody the familiar is unfamiliar today |
AuthorThese are my thoughts Archives
February 2020
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